Selfishness

I am realizing I am somewhat selfish in my journey of grief and mourning my Bug.

I often forget my parents lost their first grandson. 

Their dreams of seeing me as a mom shattered as much as mine did that day. 

My grandparents lost their first great grandbaby. 

My sister lost her first nephew. 

She was so excited to have a nephew to spoil and be involved with...and for a while that day she thought she he was here.

My friends lost whatever part of Bug they were attached to. 

They saw me through my journey starting with the terrible pregnancy, my baby shower, my excitement and fears...

I know that I need to share him in all of this but its so hard with him being my son
I carried him
I grew him
I was with him day in and day out for the 9 months (-10 days) we had him....

I know there are other people involved in this journey
but at times I just want it to be mine...