Quilt

I went into town today and talked to a lady about possibly starting a quilt for Bug.
There are alot of them on Pinterest that parents do with all their onsies from the first year of their babies life.
I loved the idea and in turn had everyone make onsies for his baby shower (for all of you that came there was a reason for them!)
I of course went in with a game plan and a script....
I thought I could just walk in and say
I want to make a quilt...

well its not that easy...
she asked what kind of quilt I wanted to make
and immediately the throat lump tears and shaking started.

I explained my situation
and she said she had lost twins and did the same thing with their clothes.

She then in turn went more into depth about what kind of quilt I wanted. Patters, colors, fabrics etc.
I think the hardest thing was her saying how I had to figure out the pattern and how I wanted to cut the onsies...
CUT HIS CLOTHES?! 

I knew you had to cut fabric to make your quilt...but it totally blanked my mind that I would have to cut HIS clothes...I can't even go into that room just yet, let alone go through his things to figure out the quilt, to then go and cut his clothes...

The reality of what I had to do to his things to make the quilt that I wanted proved far more difficult then I expected. The lady kindly offered that when it was time, she could just take all the onises and make the quilt the best that she could.
But I dont know how I feel about that.
I thought that it would be a good kind of closure for me...

But first, I have to open up that door...