Thank You

James and I would like to say thank you for the outpouring of love and support during this difficult time. 

We know that some of you are at a loss of words or how to help after the passing of our son. If you would like to help, here's one way we think would be meaningful. 

Donations in memoriam of Bug Buchanan can be made to the March of Dimes, The  Dougy Center or The Starlight Legacy Foundation. 

Any donation ,big or small, is greatly appreciated to any of these foundations for the work that they do and in helping us remember Bug. 

Today is your day

40 weeks of growing you was to come to the happiest of days today by welcoming you into the world. 

I can only hope you passed peacefully and got the warmest and biggest of welcomes when you arrived.

I love you Bug, and wish more then anything that you were here, that we could enjoy your pouty lips, 10 perfect little fingers and toes, and that head full of curly black hair.

But that is not our reality. 

None the less, we still love you, will always love you, and miss you madly. I hope you are happy, safe and sound. 

I love you. 

I love you. 

I love you. 

There are no happy endings.

Endings are the saddest part, 

So just give me a happy middle

And a very happy start.

Shel Silverstein

1 week = 7 days = 168 hours = 10,080 minutes = 604,800 seconds

Time has never gone by so slow...

It has never hurt so much to live another day...

I keep replaying that day over and over again in my mind trying to figure out what I did wrong. 

I keep reliving the moment when she said he was no longer alive. 

I remember how fast the appointment went from us  laughing and joking to me screaming, James crying, then silence. 

It feels like someone ripped my heart out of my chest, threw it on the ground, stomped on it and walked away. 

The first time I ever said my sons  name was for a death certificate

The first time I get to hold my son will be me getting his ashes back 

The ride home from the hospital should have been the scariest yet most exciting drive of our life. 

But instead it was quiet, both of us crying , wishing we were taking our boy home.

My sleepless nights should be full of feedings diaper changes and baby snuggles not my uncontrollable crying. 

And just when you think you can't cry anymore, there is somehow a reservoir of tears your body finds and it starts all over again. 

People should be coming over to the house to offer congratulations not condolences 

They tell you it all gets easier

 I just want to know when. 

RIP BUG

It is with the saddest of hearts we inform you that Marisa delivered our baby boy on November 14th via c section. At the 38 week routine visit that day, no fetal heartbeat was detected. He had unfortunately passed away earlier that morning. We ask that you please give us the time and space we need to grieve, heal and deal with all of this, as for this was not the outcome anyone imagined. 

Well.....

Wide awake, super anxious and just waiting for something to happen. I'm so tired of being pregnant and just want him out!! I'm getting no sleep partly because I'm so uncomfortable and the damn time change especially in my state threw me off. 

I'm pretty sure he's "dropped" since I can now breathe (which is a wonderful feeling ) and the few pants I did fit in fit a little differently. Plus the pressure down there....Lort, I went over a speed bump and I ain't never held my legs so tight together! I thought that thing was gonna pop out on the floor of the car! Hahahaha! Besides that, no changes really. Everything hurts just as bad, I'm still puking up everything annnnnnd like I said before I'm over being preggo.