Constant Reminders

This past few weeks have been nothing but constant reminders
that you aren't here.

First when going to buy new clothes for your brother
I was looking at all the outfits
and I turn the corner
and there are the little bear jackets
that we cremated you in
almost two years ago

I guess they are one of those things
that wont go out of style
but I so wish it would.

Along with the jacket
were the cute little
big brother little brother shirts
that as cheesy as it sounds
I wish I could dress you and your brother in.

It took everything for me to not lose it in the store....

Fast forward a few days to filling out paperwork
paperwork for daycare.
There is a section that says siblings
and I had to leave it blank.

I should be looking for daycare for both you and your brother.

Then a few days later I was sitting here thinking
do I want to do the Bear for Bug again this year
and I get a message from the founder of Molly Bears 
saying they have begun to use your bears and tags.

There are constant reminds of the fact that you aren't here.
And it really sucks. 

1 year 9 months

638 days

15,312 hours

918,720 minutes

55,123,200 seconds 

since I lost my son  

There isn't a day that I don't think about you
and there is something every day that reminds me of you
I couldn't forget you even if I tried. 

I went shopping to get Carter a new wardrobe
and as I turned the corner in the clothing store
there was the little bear jackets and body suits

Its almost been two years but I guess those little bear jackets are still popular.
All I can say is I'm kind of happy that they don't carry the brown one that you were cremated in
but none the less 
I still cant look at those 
without getting a lump in my throat. 

The other thing that kills me 
is the little brother big brother shirts 
they are everywhere 
and as cheesy as they are
I want nothing more then to dress you and your brother in those shirts