Doors

                 

We walk in and out of doors on a daily basis.

Doors to the house

The car

The bathroom

But that is the one door I cant open.

When we found out the lay out of the house 

we wanted his room across the hall from ours

so we could quickly come to the rescue

for feedings

diaper changes

and midnight baby snuggles

But now it hurts 

Every morning I open my door and see his.

I should be walking through that door on a daily basis.

But its been shut,

and not opened

since November 26th.

The only reason we went it there was to get his homecoming outfit,

which ended up being the outfit he was cremated in.

I so badly want to open that door...

to smell that new baby smell that the room still has

from all the clothes we washed

the changing table supplies

and the soft linen yankee candle I have opened on the window sill.

Every now and then,

when I walk past his door

the wiff of his room sneaks out underneath it

and reminds me of when we were anxiously awaiting his arrival...

But I can't go in there

and see all his things...

I don't know if I can

or if I ever will.