And so it begins....

The beginning of November is always an interesting time for me.

And this year not being home or at least stateside has seemed to make a big difference. 

I can feel myself starting to retreat back into my feelings, mourning, grief, 

whatever you want to call it at this point

while simultaneously lashing out at the people that are closest to me

and only trying to help...

There are many new people in my life at the moment,

who won't or don't understand what these next few weeks will entail. 

They don't understand why the smell of a pumpkin spice latte makes me sick.

or why a certain song will instantly bring me to tears. 

And when I snap or retreat into myself, not answering texts, calls or messages its because Im emotionally spent and just need some time to myself. 

I constantly ask myself when November is going to become easier...