1 Year 3 Months

65 weeks 

457 days

10,968 hours

658,080 minutes 

39,484,800 seconds 

since I found out I lost my son. 

For the rest of my life this day will be painful. 

And for the rest of my life it will, in February, land on Valentines Day. 

Again this year, James and I didn't really do much if anything about it. 

Its not Valentines day to us anymore. 

My friend is in town, and we went off the island to the movies and the mall.

I had just so happened to get my sisters present for helping us out with Carter, and was told his ring had come in. 

I for the longest time didn't want to get a ring for Carter, that was Bugs thing.

Bugs Ring. 

But after much thinking I wanted one for both of my boys. 

I was given Bugs ring as a memorial piece, had we actually had him it would have been my push present. 

James and I went to Kays, designed it, said what we wanted engraved in it, and a few weeks later picked it up. Its a stackable ring so any other ring made like it would just sit right on top or below it and look like one big ring. 

I am often complimented on his ring.

Im not surprised, its a gorgeous ring. 

But only the people that know me know the meaning behind it. 

When I had Carter, our favorite nurse Pat made it a point to let me keep my Bug ring on during my C section. 

It was my way to have him there for all of it.

I for the past year always looked down at my right hand and saw just Bugs ring. There is not a day that I didn't wear it. Even pregnant and a few super swollen days, that ring stayed on my finger. 

But today for the first time, I had both rings on, for just a split second. 

And it took everything for me not to start bawling in the store. 

I managed to keep it together in the store, but as we were walking away I was telling my friend how I legit had a lump in my throat

seeing both those rings on my finger for the first time.

This week is the last week I will only have Bugs...

It was all bitter sweet that it happened today

on the 14th, which is Bugs day,

for his brother Carter. 

But in a way, I think its Bug.

Being ok and involved in the ever changing life that we now live. 

I don't and will never believe or say things happen for a reason...

but I will say I am picking up what hes putting down.