The Zoo

I was supposed to take Carter to the zoo today
but the weather here in Portland was awful
and I was not about to drag him around in the rain.
I also was so pleasantly reminded that the last time I was at the zoo
I was pregnant with you.
I honestly wasn't ready to go back there.
I knew that it would be emotional.
I dreamed so many times about taking you to the zoo.
Getting elephant ears, eating lunch looking at the birds,
and taking you to the goat petting zoo....
And all of these things my mum was so excitedly was talking about doing with your brother.
And I just wanted to cry.
There was a movie that  I watched alot after your passing called we bought a zoo
It was constantly on repeat on HBO and I just never changed it.
I loved the book and thought sure, Ill lay here and watch the movie.
But the memorable quotes were the 20 seconds about courage.
And the one about never being ready.....
I will never be ready to walk back into that place........