Pictures.

Today I went to Walmart to print off Carters newborn photos.
And in the middle of the store the reality of it hit me like a swift punch to my gut.

Carter has over 200 newborn photos.

Bug has 22.

And Bug will only have 22.

Some of which were taken by the nurse at the hospital.
And some taken by me at the funeral home.

Many of you know we had a Molly Bear made for Bug.
James also made me a ring.
Both were used as props at Carter's newborn shoot, and both times they were used, I lost my shit.

So there I was standing standing at walmart with Carter sleeping in his Moby wrap, trying to keep myself from crying as I'm printing off the photos. I probly looked crazy, but I honestly don't care anymore. Like I've said before, grief has the worst timing, and hits you at the most inconvenient places .... 

As I was looking through Carters photos I found myself covering the screen when I came across those photos. They are sacred and I didn't want complete strangers seeing them. 

I like that we kept Bugs photos private and in all honesty I almost want to keep these photos private too. 

Before his photo shoot I looked on Pinterest  for posing ideas. I don't like the overly cheesy poses, because they come across weird in photos.And there is only one time I will be able to capture these specific photos.

I wanted genuine, easy, tastefull poses. 

I found the one where the right hand cradles the baby's head and the left holds his body. 

And I specifically chose that one so my ring would show. 

Bug is "in" a lot of these photos. You just have to look for it. 

I am both happy and sad while looking at these photos. 

They are the only pictures I will ever have of my two boys together.