Monday, September 29, 2014

Marimba + PSL= Tears

Theres an Iphone alarm that sounds like marimbas
and out of nowhere my phone (which is deactivated) went off

and immediately I burst into tears...

After coming home from the hospital
there were a slew of pain meds, antibiotics, bathroom breaks and mini walks I had to take
to keep from being in pain and for my over all recovery.
James had an alarm set on his phone for all of these things
and it was to that damn song.

All it takes is a sound, a smell, a noise or a twinge of my scar
to take me back to that awful time.

The change in the seasons hasn't helped either.
This time last year I was 2 months away from
having a baby
or so I thought.

I went to Starbucks a few weeks ago with my husband for a little coffee date
and before I could stop myself
ordered a pumpkin spice latte

One stupid little cup of coffee had me in tears at the table.

I've come to that point in my grief to where I don't care where I am
I cry
I get it out
I give no fucks if you are to judge me for being sad
You don't know my story or where I came from.
I will fully own my ugly Oprah cry
snot, tears, make up running and all.

We need never be ashamed of our tears.
Charles Dickens

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