Your baby is due November 25th

The entire pregnancy we were preparing ourselves for this day.
November 25th.

The day I tested positive at home I downloaded pregnancy apps and they all said 11/25/13 was his due date, and the doctor confirmed it a few days later.
Originally we freaked out thinking great, were going to be bringing home a baby on thanksgiving, but honestly we didn't care...we thought we were going to have a baby.
We actually kind of giggled at ourselves thinking seriously?! , our little family is just cursed when it comes to holidays. James and I have the same exact birthday, our anniversary is Halloween, why not bring a baby home on Thanksgiving!

But that was not the case.

We only had 10 days to go.

10, 14, and 25 are such terrible numbers to me now.

I cringe when people have countdowns.
Especially pregnancy countdowns...

I was excitedly counting down too, only to be blindsided and have things go terribly wrong...

Today is just as painful to me as the 14th.
Its a day full of should, could and would haves.

Its a day we should be celebrating, not looking back at and saying "we should have had you"

Its a day of what ifs.

What if I had actually had you,
what if you amazingly came exactly on your due date...

What if....

I ask myself that everyday.