Monday Morning/ Bear for Bug Part 3

Monday Mornings I think are dreaded by everyone.

All for different reasons.

However I was dreading but looking forward to this particular Monday morning. 

On October 16th I was notified from the manager of the funeral home that we used  for Bug, that they were moved by what James and I were doing for Molly Bears, and  had ordered 100 bears. 

As soon as they got them delivered, they would get them to us. 

(I obviously was waiting to get the bears to announce anything) 

I randomly burst into tears multiple times yesterday.

Remembering all the reasons we were there last year.

remembering having to pick out his urn,

to seeing him for the first and last time.

to picking up his cremains in that tiny little gold box 

and leaving that day, December 5th

to think I would never set foot in that place again. 

I got no sleep last night. I was so anxious about going back there. 

I've blogged about it before, but living in a small town there are only a few ways to get to specific places.

I for almost a year, avoided that street, because seeing the funeral home would bring me immediately back to that day, that place, and those feelings. 

But today I had no choice. 

I got ready this morning, ate breakfast and tried to keep calm.

I got in the car just fine.

I made it down the street just fine.

Until we pulled up to their driveway.

James was driving and immediately after turning in 

my c section scar started hurting

as if I was a few weeks post op and still healing. 

My eyes began watering and I couldn't even hide it at that point. 

That tiny little driveway brought me back

just like I was afraid it was going to. 

I eventually, after trying to get my shit together, got out of the car and made it up to the door. 

James opened it, as he did all those times before, and we walked in.

When you first walk in, straight ahead of you is the main chapel, where we first saw Bug.

To the left, their office, the room with all the urn samples and to the right some couches. 

As I turned the corner, I saw the couch, covered in the bears, and began laughing and saying oh my gosh! 

100 bears is quite the sight to see.

The manager Mark came out and shook James hand and I went in for the very tearful,very grateful, hug.

The bears were packed up 

small talk was made

and brought out to the car in 3 boxes. 

Hugs and handshakes were again given, and we left, tearful and wondering if we would be back there. 

James took me to coffee for a little date and to unwind before we went home.

And I again teared up thinking

Look at all that Bug has done.

Look at all my son has accomplished.