11 Months

47 weeks

334 days

8016 hours

480,960 minutes

28,857,600 seconds 

It hitting me so much harder this month then I thought it would. 

The first of October came and it was like a switch was turned on

and I felt so different. 

I just want to curl up in a ball and hide until January. 

The holidays are so hard for people that are grieving.

Everyone around you is excited for the festivities 

except you.

Had the circumstances been different I would have been celebrating with you.

Halloween is unfortunately the first of all the holidays.

James and I would be excitedly thinking of his first Halloween costume.

We would be getting ready for his first hay ride and trip to the pumpkin patch...

I remember last Halloween excitedly celebrating what was our last anniversary alone.

I remember making him his own little Bug pumpkin, which will have a whole different meaning this year.

It took everything for me not to scream at a friend

who had the nerve to ask me what her kid should be for Halloween.

I know she meant no harm.

No one ever does...

and I understand that alot of people think that I should be "over it" by now

but its not anything I will ever get over.