A weekend

A weekend at home was what I thought I needed
but it was far more emotional then I thought it was going to be
and for what I think I was ready for

Seeing the couch that I laid on day after day
where I would take videos of him kicking
to send to his daddy
hurt so bad to sit on...

and I couldn't sit in
that spot....

walking into both of my parents houses
without a baby
was just awful.

I was so excited for my first time bring him home
to grandma and grandpas houses
but that will never happen...

I had imagined coming home to Portland
driving around my old stomping grounds with a baby
showing him off
and being a mom

packing my car again for the drive back home
but this time not with baby things
or a baby
was I think
the most painful

a weekend was all it took
to kick up what I thought was settled dust