Sunday

I went to church on Sunday with a few friends. 

I had been wanting to go for a while, meet new people 

Maybe get involved in a few things

I thought it would be way easier then it was 

Sundays are always emotional days for me 

Sundays were my weeks while I was preggo. I would take pictures, write about the previous week, and get excited I was counting up and down for Bugs' arrival. 

I think I made it 10 minutes into the singing and I was done. 

The song was 

I wanna know you

I wanna see your face 

I wanna know you more

I want to touch you 

And some other lyrics 

But shit...every single one of those things I wanted to do with Bug. 

Thank goodness there were tissues, I totally cried the whole time and I lost it when the pastor said 

God gives us blessings. 

I'm having a baby... 

Well my wife is having a baby. 

I think about that all the time. 

Needless to say I said seriously?! 

Really loud 

and ran out of the church before I burst into massive sobs in the bathroom...

The thing I wanted most I now can't get away from 

It's repeatedly shoved in my face. 

If James and I decide to do this again I won't get to tell everyone and be excited 

I'm too terrified that something bad like this is gonna happen again and I just can't deal. 

I really hope my weeks don't land on Sundays