New Year

Its another new year
and I still cant wrap my head
and heart
around the fact
that you aren't here.
I wish that it wasn't this way
but I am constantly reminded.
I remember your dad and I
talking late at night
about how excited we were
to have a new baby in 2014
how our lives were going to change
and how we would be starting out a new year as parents....
Yeah in a sense we became parents
but not like we thought or wanted
New years eve of 2014 was awful
I was obviously emotional
and tried to make out as if everything was ok
and needles to say
emotions and alcohol aren't a good mixture.
Then fast forward to New Years eve 2015
I'm sitting at home with a 6 day old baby
bawling all over again
because it just kicked up memories.
New years of 2016
we had our first get together of our own....
and I was so distracted I wasn't really able to process everything
until everyone left and it was 3am....
and you guessed it
I was crying.