1 year 11 months

699 days

16,776 hours 

1,006,560 minutes 

60,393,600 seconds 

since I lost my son 

I absolutely hate this time of the year.

Its like its the calm before the storm

and little storms here and there have been popping up

Emotionally, Im able to keep my shit together less and less. 

More outbursts and mean things are being said.

I legit just want to crawl in a cave and die. 

Physically the migraines, nausea, not eating or sleeping

is all coming back worse then it usually is.

Mentally Im trying to prepare myself for the day 

I will be alone.

James is going to be gone. 

I will have Carter 

But I "can't" be sad,

He doesn't understand. 

He has no idea what is going on...

I also hate that I am yet again at that time in the year 

where I should be planning what would have been his second birthday .

But as if I don't already have enough on my plate,

I decided to do the bear drive again this year, 

because that's what I get to do every year to honor and celebrate my son.