1 Year 10 Months

1 year 10 months
669 days
16061 hours
963694 minutes
57821700 seconds

since I lost my son

The beginning of fall always puts a lump in my throat.
The smells, the pumpkin spice lattes, the sweaters and fall air
all just put me back in September before we lost you.

A year and a few months ago we were painting your nursery.
daddy put your crib together
and I was figuring out how I wanted the room to be.

The other day James looked at the crib and realized it was dusty.
He swiped a little section of it and you could  tell there was a good long bit of build up on it.
But for some strange reason I still couldn't bring myself to dust it.

Although you were never in that room
we still call it Bugs room
there are bits of you everywhere in there still
and there always will be.

Slowly, the longer your brother has been in there
the more and more we take out things that were supposed to be yours.
It is becoming his room, but in the back of my mind and heart
it will always be yours.