I can't sleep, just got a lot on my mind. James before Thanksgiving actually got me a tree because he said he wanted one this year. I honestly really didn't know how I'd feel about it all, the holidays just aren't the same for us...
But I finally got tired of staring at the damn box so I put that shit together.
Of course I got emotional.
I should be worried about where were placing it and what ornaments to hang where so Bug wouldn't pull them off the tree...
We were supposed to have a 1 year old this Christmas.
All those things just sit there in the back of your mind and pop up when you do things like this.
Everyone is always so excited about putting up a tree, but it really just stings and is a reminder of all the time that past and all that should have been.
Its sad to not have the "Baby's first Christmas" ornament, it really really hurts.
I'm part of a group for ladies trying to concieve after a loss and so many women are announcing pregnancies with Christmas this year and I just cringe.
From personal experience we announced Bug on our birthday, we thought (at the time) it was a cute idea....but every year when that day rolls around it just hurts even more...
So its beginning to look a lot like Christmas, I just don't think it will feel like it for a while...
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