Have yourself a merry little Christmas

There is no tree 

No stockings 

No lights 

Or holiday things of any kind 

It doesn't feel right and I don't know how I could be happy.

I was supposed to have a one month old and not care about Christmas....

I had imagined our first real tree with a "Baby's first Christmas " ornament hung right in front.  

I had imagined Bugs first Santa photos on the fridge. 

I had imagined a baby stocking hanging between mine and James. 

I had imagined him in his santas little helper onsie and reindeer sleeper...

I had imagined baby snuggles while watching It's a wonderful life... 

And now I get none of those things... 

The holidays are so emotionally draining and depressing this year...