We were expecting a baby.....

2 years ago today we found out we were pregnant with Bug.
There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about yesterday and today or you and what should have been. 

I missed the first pregnancy test because my glasses fell off, so I peed in a cup and dunked 6 in, all blue dye tests, and they all came up positive. 

Then the next day we went to the Dr to confirm it and called all our family to tell them the news. 

We were approximately 4 weeks and 2 days. 

I can tell you what I was wearing when the Dr came in and said "Congratulations???!", looking at us with a very judgmental look, then leaving allowing us to talk things over. 

I can tell you exactly how the appointment went when we went in for the confirmatjon of pregnancy ultrasound, my freak out, and the conversation that came afterwards. 

4 weeks later on our birthday we were 8 weeks and announced to everyone else. 

I can tell you exactly how the day went.

I can tell you everything about the day that we lost you. 

It plays over and over in my mind like a broken record, and I can't move the needle. 

It will forever stay stuck on that day. 

We lost you and what we thought our future was going to be. 

We lost a baby, experiences, hopes and dreams. 

We lost our baby. 

We lost our Bug. 

Again James and I will never share pictures of him or his name. 

Its all we have left  our our son for ourselves. 

But everyone will and does know about you. 

They know that we had you for 9 months, 

and that I grew you and loved and will always love you. 

That, we will never keep to ourselves.