Tattoos

James and I had a rare weekend away 
since his mum came up and watched Carter for our anniversary.

We decided to do something spontaneous and agreed upon getting Bug tattoos. 
It had been almost three years, and we thought it would be a good idea. 

I called around to a couple of places, and finally found a place that was taking walk ins. 
At the beginning the artist seemed like a cool guy, then the appointment got worse.

James went first and decided to get a version of the Bug lamp we have in Carters room.
I had wanted Bug on the inside of my ring finger, but the artist shot that down really quick.

There is a very specific tattoo I wanted for him, that I just was not ready to get. 
I wanted to loose some weight first, and go to my artist back home.

So after shooting down all my ideas, I feel like I finally settled on a hand drawn tattoo and placement. 

And I didn't want to settle.

Bug deserves so much more. 

Anyways, James started on his tattoo, and not even a line in he passes out....
So that put a damper on the rest of the appointment....
Finally he comes to, eats something, and finishes his tattoo.

Then the artist comes to me and asks me if I had thought of something. 
I had been previously looking at butterfly tattoos, which he mentioned, and I said yeah, I was considering it. 
He then asked the meaning of a butterfly and for the first time during the appointment I explained what it meant. 

And then began the verbal diarrhea of everything you shouldn't say, that Ive heard so many times now began......

"Oh, I didn't know he died"

"Dont have it be a sad tattoo"

"Memorial tattoos are weird" 

And I was baffled. 

Who are you to tell me what I want to put on my body??

Who are you to tell me that I should feel a certain way about a tattoo??

WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU???!!!!

So after fighting with him about what and where I wanted it, I got it done, but Im not in love with it and it makes me feel awful. 

So he starts the tattoo and I start feeling sick. 
I don't know if it was my nerves after having seeing James pass out. 
I don't know if it was three years of wanting a specific tattoo and not getting it 
I don't know if it was the meaning and sentiment behind the tattoo that he shot down and made me mad about....

But I started having a full on panic attack and I couldn't take it....

He just kept telling me to lay down and calm down, I'm overthinking things, Ill be fine....

again all the things you dont tell someone when they are having a panic attack...

But I made it through the tattoo, its there on my wrist, and Carter points at it and says Bug all the time....


Needles to say,I can't wait to get the tattoo Ive wanted from the beginning.....

And I wont let anyone change my mind about any of it....